Zoq-Fot-Pik Quotes

Thank you for playing Star Control II - The Ur-Quan Masters.

This game has been brought to you by

Frungy! The Sport of Kings!

No it wasn't!

Yes it was!

Frungy had nothing to do with it!

This game was about war, slavery, intolerance

heroism, justice, and the inevitable triumph of Good over Evil!

Are you crazy?! The developers got millions in Frungy endorsements!

No they didn't.

Yes, they did.

No they didn't!

Yes they did!

Did not!

Did too!

Did not!

Did too!

Attention, starship!

We are the Zoq-Fot-Pik.

Make no hostile actions!

We come in peace, and with good will.

But if you make one false move, you're vapor!

Don't worry, my companion is just a bit nervous

No, I'm not!

and argumentative.

No, I'm not.

You have arrived at our homeworld.

And we've got a billion ships here!

We are fortunate that you have found us in our time of need.

So don't even think of trying to attack us!

Which one of you creatures is the Fot?

He is.

No, she is!

No, I'm not!

Yes, you are.

Cripes! We've been through this a million times!

That doesn't change anything. You're the Fot!


Well, Captain, as you can see, this is a point of some contention.


We are the {Alliance name}' flagship {Ship name} from Earth. What are your intentions?


Then we've finally found our saviors!


At last, our search is over!

It is just as the great Crystal ones promised!

They look sneaky.

I think they're lying.

Quiet, fool!

Can't you see our nightmare is over!?

This ship is from the Great Crystal One's fabled Alliance

the Alliance of Free Stars!


SILENCE BLATHERING TOADIES! We are your new masters.

We are disappointed.

See! I TOLD you!

We had hoped that our species could be friends.

Never in a million years! Just look at their beady eyes!

But in the spirit of understanding...

Oh, no! You're not even considering...

...We will forgive you this transgression.

Sheesh! What a pushover you are!

Before we go on, can you tell us more about your species?

In our ancient past, four species evolved intelligence on our homeworld.


They were the Zoq

the Fot

the Pik

and the Zebranky.

We three, the Zoq, Fot, and Pik evolved in such a way

as to acquire sustenance from many sources

from airborne zooplankton

from solar and ambient energies

and from rocky fungal clingers.

Our favorite!

The Zebranky also consumed a variety of foods

namely: the Zoq

the Fot

and the Pik.

To survive the predations of the Zebranky

we banded together

annihilated the Zebranky

and formed the cooperative union you now encounter.

What do you seek from us?

We are a relatively peaceful group of species.

Unless we're angry.

So we find ourselves in need of help.

We only need a LITTLE!

Because of our desperate situation.

`Desperate' is too strong a word.

I think `troublesome' is more like it.

What `nightmare' are you talking about? What's the matter?

Our planets are under attack from an invading horde!

We do not know who they are, or why they are here.

We are being blown to bits.

Fleets of alien ships appear out of nowhere

then unleash terrible, destructive energies.


they release these energies on each other.


they favor combat near strong gravity wells.

Their stray shots regularly strike the surface of our planets

often with tragic results.


they have never found our homeworld, only our colony planets.


all of our colonies have perished as a consequence.

Who is attacking you? What do they look like?

Some of the vessels are huge, green battleships

which launch wave after wave of small fighters.

The other ships are black as space

and their hulls are carved with strange alien writing.

In combat the two ships seem evenly matched.

One fires blasts of fusion energy

while the other launches spinning projectiles.

Hey, space is a tough place where wimps eat flaming plasma death.

Oh, dear.

I told you he looked like a creep!

No! We must try to understand.

His ways are not like our own.

You mean his WHOLE SPECIES are jerks?

Let us give him one more chance.

Just look at him. He's a killer, I tell you.

Yes, yes, that's all very interesting, but now we are going to attack you!


See! I told you.!...

...but would you listen... NO!

I don't understand!

So what does all your nicey-nice to the alien get us?

Nothing! That's what!

You should have done what I said

and told him we were the Precursors.

You have given us valuable information. Goodbye.

If you must go now, we understand.

That's it?! You're leaving?!!

We hope that on your next visit

we can establish a mutual assistance pact.

I can't believe that he's just leaving us here!

...what a jerk.

We want to help. What can we do?

We would like to establish

a formal mutual-assistance pact

with your species.

One of those `You scratch my vent

I'll scratch your flipper' set-ups.

And as a sign of our good faith

we will provide you with skilled Captains

and plans for building our `Stinger' starships.

In return, if the bad guys find our homeworld

you'll rush over here and vaporize 'em.

That is, essentially, correct.

Great deal, eh?

You can't afford to pass it up! So what do you say?

Uh... I need to consult with our, er... our Grand-High Poobah!

Please hurry back with word from your Poobah.

Millions of lives are at stake!

Not the least of which is mine.

What? Protect you failures? No way! You're too lame!

We have revealed ourselves to you.

We have held out our appendages to you in friendship!...

...and you have treated us like dead Zebrankys.

It takes a great deal to anger one of my species, Captain


Attention Shipmates! Man the spray gun! Hoist the tongue!



Let's toast those creeps!

Ah! It is the alien from the Chenjesu's Alliance!

Just look at those weapon pods on his ship.

We hope that during this visit

we can make clear to your species

the benefits of a mutual-assistance pact.

But we're also armed to the teeth

so don't try stealing our atmosphere or anything sneaky like that!

Once more, the Alliance starship has returned.

Yeah. I bet THIS is the time they try to trick us.

Alien Captain, do you bring word from your Leaders?

If he does, I bet it's something like

Submit or be Eaten!

You are under attack by the Ur-Quan, our enemy as well. Therefore, speaking for all the People of Earth, I accept your offer.

How wonderful!


How marvelous!


Captain, we shall begin fulfilling our commitment at once!

We will begin transporting our officers to your base immediately!

Why, heck!

Maybe I'll even make the trip to your planet!

I'd make a good starship captain, Captain!

I'm pretty darn mean in a fight

and there ain't nobody better than me

with a thrusting stinger tongue attack!

We are a scout vessel

dispatched from our homeworld.

We have travelled far

through hostile, uncharted space

to find you.

We hail from the green dwarf star at coordinates

ziggerfau-gerrrnuf, Ah-ah, Pahoy-hoy.

No, you idiot, in their coordinate system!



Coordinates 400.0 : 543.7.

These are the words we have prayed for!

Hey! This trip's not a waste after all!

More than anything, we seek an ally

to help us survive in this hostile universe.

We are having some problems of that general nature.

But we are only emissaries.

You must meet with our leaders.

They are wiser... more powerful beings!

They look just like us, though.

Fly to the star called Alpha Tucanae.

The planet closest to the sun is our home.

And if possible, hurry.

Coming here was pointless, human.

Our species are at war.


Prepare to die, alien scum!

If you had allied with us, Captain

Which you didn't!

We would gladly tell you what we have learned

Which we won't!

Regarding the two warring alien factions

the Ur-Quan and their siblings, the Kohr-Ah.

But now you'll NEVER know!

With whatever remaining forces we have

we will do our best to destroy you.

Yeah! And she means it too!

Your villainy is beyond possible forgiveness!

We are compelled by our anger to destroy you.

He's probably just gonna run away again.

The coward!

Hello friend and ally!

Got any presents for us?

We hope your struggle against the Ur-Quan goes well!

Darn! He never gives us anything.

Welcome back to our world.

Yeah, welcome back to our world!

I just said that.

So? It doesn't mean I can't say it too.

Besides, you always get to talk first.

That's not fair!

Sorry, that's just the way it is.

Well why?! That doesn't make sense.

Look, don't ask me.

I think it's something technical.

Yeah, right. I'm so sure.

What a lame excuse.

Greetings, Captain.

What can your allies do for you?

Your favorite allies!

Hello, human ally.

We are at your service.

What do you want?

So, what's happening around here?

We had a close call last week.

One of those black ships was snooping around the system.

But before it got to our world

some of the green ships warped in

hailed the vessel, calling it a `Kohr-Ah' vessel

and identifying themselves as `Ur-Quan'.

Once these formalities had been established

they proceeded to destroy the black vessel

and then left immediately thereafter.

We got lucky.

It's been pretty quiet, Captain.

Nothing new to report.

Are you CRAZY?! What about the Frungy Championships!?

Why should we tell the Earth Captain about that?

He wouldn't be interested.

Oh, yeah? How do you know?

Because I'M not even interested.

Nobody with any brains is interested in Frungy!

Well what about me, huh?

I LOVE Frungy! It's the Sport of Kings!

Oh, all right

he wouldn't know any of the teams anyway.

Although this may not pertain to the Ur-Quan

we have received an interesting report

from one of our deep space scouts.

She found a strange metal door-thing

embedded in the surface of an alien planet.

Although she and her crew spent many days

trying to open the door

they failed utterly so much as to budge it.

The reported location of this alien artifact

is Epsilon Camelopardalis I-A.

Go open it!

I bet there's something cool inside!

We may not have told you this before, Captain

but my species is somewhat sensitive

to certain meta-psychic vibrations.

Oh, no! Not this mental stuff again!

Although my friend's species

has difficulty understanding our powers

I can guarantee you, Captain

that our limited abilities are quite real.

Oh, yeah! Remember that time

you said you could fix our broken chronometers

with your `sympathetic psionic waves'?

More like `pathetic waves' if you ask me!

Nyark! Nyark! Nyark!

Even through all this negative energy, Captain

we have discovered that...

...and THEN there was the time

you said you could bend dorfs with just your...



As I was saying, before I was so RUDELY interrupted!...

I said I was sorry.

Our most talented Seers have detected

some ominous and powerful meta-psychic signals

from the direction of the Orionis constellation.


Any news about the war between the two alien races?

No. We have nothing new to report.

Nope! Not a thing.

Our scouts have witnessed an exciting event

in the Horologii star system.

Yeah! Big news!

Two alien races have entered that region of space

from the coreward direction.

One of the races looks like big talkin' weeds

and the other wears a funny mask.

And they are attacking our enemies!

Well, ONE of our enemies, anyway.

Yes, the new aliens seem to be confining their hostilities

to the sinister Kohr-Ah.

Actually, that's good news.

By focusing on the Kohr-Ah

who have been winning their war up to this point

They've been plastering the Ur-Quan.

The balance of power has been equalized somewhat

But the Kohr-Ah will STILL probably win!

But we estimate that the efforts of these new alien races

has delayed the Kohr-Ah's eventual victory

by nine to twelve months.

Still, it's better than nothing!

We have modified a few of our Stinger starships

for long-range reconnaissance missions.

We strapped a bunch of fuel tanks on their hulls.

The scouts were ordered to investigate the progress of the war

between the green ships, who we now know as the `Ur-Quan'

and the black ships, flown by the `Kohr-Ah'.

We sent out ten... two came back

But the information they gathered was worth the cost.

Unless you were one of the scouts, I suppose?

Nyark! Nyark! Nyark!



Anyway, as I was saying, the intelligence they gathered

indicates that the Kohr-Ah will win their war

sometime near the beginning of next year.

Unless someone evens up the opposing forces

by finding an unknown alien empire to attack the Kohr-Ah's rear

or by destroying about a bazillion Kohr-Ah ships.

Our reconnaissance ships have returned once more

With bad news.

Based on what they have seen

the Kohr-Ah will defeat the Ur-Quan

in less than six months.


And based on our last encounter with the Kohr-Ah

we expect that when they win their war with the Ur-Quan

the Kohr-Ah will move through this entire region of space

destroying all intelligent life.

Double bummer!

I fear we have received our last scouting reports, Captain.

Poor Yip, Tun and Haffy! I'll really miss those guys!

Although none of our scouts returned home alive

...and Jiff... and Fod... and (sniff!)...

...my best pal, Rogi!

They were able to send a last message.

The Kohr-Ah have won their war against the Ur-Quan

and they have begun their hideous death march.


The only piece of knowledge we have

that may help you defeat them

is a fragment of a transmission we received

from our agent Buppo who was in the Crateris constellation.

They got Buppo too?!...(SOB!)

He reported that the Kohr-Ah had something

`big, dangerous and important as hell'

in one of the nearby star systems.

That was all we got before Buppo's signal was cut off.


You have got to stop the Kohr-Ah, Captain!...

...before they kill us all.


I would like some specific information

Sure. What do you want to know?

Just ask away!

What do you know about other alien races?

Not much, to tell the truth.

This space exploration stuff is kinda new to us.

Besides the green alien ships...

Which have only tried to kill us.

...and the black alien ships...

Which have actually been QUITE SUCCESSFUL at killing us.

The only other starships we have encountered

are strange tumbling red probes

which profess to be on a peaceful mission

But then attack like slavering Zebrankys.

We believe that the probes are actually robotic scouts

which have suffered some kind of malfunction

resulting in their aberrant behavior.

And what's worse, they are multiplying.

Yes, that's true.

The probes seem to be replicating at a geometric rate.

AIEE! That means if there was only one last week

then next month... ah

wait a minute... let me calculate




That means, next month there will be


By back-tracing the probes' course paths

we have been able to calculate

that the source of the probes

is somewhere on a direct line

that includes our star, and Epsilon Muscae.

Go get 'em, Captain!

Tell me more about your people.

Ah! Cultural exchange. A good idea.

Yeah! Let's tell him about Frungy!

Be quiet, you fool! He asked a serious question!

He doesn't want to know about Frungy.

How do you know? What makes you so smart?

You never even asked him if he wants to know about Frungy.

Why, I'll bet right now he's wondering

`What is this wonderful sport, Frungy?', `How is it played?'

`What kind of equipment do you need to play Frungy?'

and `I wonder who's ahead in the Frungy Championships?'


If you say another word about that STUPID GAME

I'm going to lose control and blow a cloud of spores at you!

Yech! Okay, okay. Don't blow your sac.

I won't mention Frungy again, I promise.

Well, Captain, as you can probably see

our culture's predominant trait

its greatest strength AND weakness

is the diverse interactions between Zoq, Fot, and Pik.


Can you describe your `Stinger' starship?

The Stinger is the peak of our technological prowess.

It's totally awesome!

These vessels are cheap to build

and can be quite effective in short range combat.

They turn on a... on a

well a small round thing that's REAL small!

Remember though, against most ships

the Stinger must close distance immediately

and give unrelenting tongue attacks

until either the enemy or the Stinger is destroyed.

Yeah! The tonguing is the best part!

Does that guy in back ever say anything?


Not a word.

What was your history like?

Our past? Quite a broad topic for this short conversation

but we'll share a key piece of our history with you.

After we killed off the last Zebranky

we faced an interesting dilemma.

Should we proceed, and establish a culture

which would advance in art, technology and social sophistication?...

...Or should we just go back into the forest

and kick back and enjoy ourselves

knowing that a Zebranky wasn't gonna jump out of a bush and eat us!

Well, we DID go back into the forest.

We stayed there for about five thousand years and had a great time

Then, one stormy day, a Zoq, a Fot, and a Pik were walking up a steep path

looking for something good to eat, when a bolt of lightning struck nearby.

With a huge flash of light, the bolt of energy

carved a strangely-shaped chunk of granite out of a cliff.

It was a disk, with a hole in the middle!

As the rock began to roll down the hill, toward the three terrified beings

some dry grass got caught in its hole, and since the rock was still hot

the grass caught on fire.

When the rock finally got to the Zoq, the Fot, and the Pik

they simultaneously discovered the Wheel, Fire, and Religion

thus catapulting them on to the road of progress.

Which has led us to this day, Captain.

Oh! How did the flaming wheel give religion to our Culture, you ask?

I will explain.

You see, when it got to the threesome, the flaming wheel was going at a pretty good clip

and it ran smack into the Zoq, killing him.

The Fot and the Pik felt so bad

they really liked that Zoq!...

...that they decided the Zoq hadn't really died when the wheel flattened him

he had just gone to `a better place.'

Presumably one without lethal flaming wheels.

That's enough info for now, thanks!

Anything else?

Bye, Zoq. Bye, Fot. Bye, Pik.

Goodbye, Captain.

See ya.

Our Savior! Our Savior!

You have rescued us from certain destruction!

Howee-baby! That was a close one!

The black ship appeared in orbit several days ago

and began raining down bolts of destructive energy

on the surface of our planet!


We were able to focus our planetary shields

to deflect the energy blasts away from our cities.


Large sections of our planet's beautiful wilderness

have been annihilated... entire ecosystems destroyed.

Oh! That makes me REALLY mad!

I mean, attacking helpless, intelligent, alien species

that's one thing

but toasting our cute little wood Jukes and tree Narfs

that's really low!

If the black ship had been accompanied by others of its kind

we wouldn't have been able to stop the rain of destruction.

They would have killed us all.

Well in that case, better those Jukes and Narfs than us, right?

Captain, it is clear that in matters of war

you are more capable than ourselves.

With this in mind, we would like to give you

our four finest starships and crew.

I hope they bring you many victories.

Try not to lose them all right away.

Oh, by the way, we thought you should know

that we have sent out a group of stinger starships

specially modified for long-range reconnaissance.

Their orders are to report back with information on the war

between the Ur-Quan and the Kohr-Ah.

So if you want to know more about what they're up to

check back here with us from time to time.

I have travelled here to seek an alliance between our peoples.

How wonderful! We accept!


How marvelous!


Captain, we are delighted that your people have made this choice!

Now WE won't get slaughtered!

In exchange for our cooperation helping you with captains and ship designs

all that we ask for is your protection.

So we don't get slaughtered!

We shall begin fulfilling our commitment at once!

We will transport officers and our Stinger design to your base immediately!

Why, heck!

Maybe I'll even make the trip to your planet!

I'd make a good starship captain, Captain!

I'm pretty darn mean in a fight

and there ain't nobody better than me

with a thrusting stinger tongue attack!

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