Shofixti Quotes

Ah, I see someone approaches, but who is it?

Ho, ho! It is the creature which I wrongly called a disgusting Ur-Quan slimewad

and a cowardly slug-spawn

and a pouchless lard-log freak

and a leprous, non-functional sex organ

and a wallowing, phlegm-filled Dgrunti belly-licker.

HA! My human friend has returned!

So what am I doing out here, you ask?


I'll be lucky if I don't have a heart attack soon.

You have no idea how hard it is to personally replenish an entire species!

Attention huge alien vessel!

Though most of my sensory instruments are malfunctioning

my mass indicator shows the huge size or your vessel

revealing that you are none other

than a disgusting Ur-Quan slimewad!

I am the glorious Shofixti warrior, Tanaka.

You killed my father... my mother... my many brothers

all six of my sisters

in fact, my entire species.

Prepare to die!

Don't attack -- we're not the Ur-Quan! We're your allies!

A typical Ur-Quan gambit... which has failed.

And now I howl the scream of death -- Kyaiee!

The Ur-Quan has returned! How unusually brave

for a leprous, non-functional sex organ, like yourself.

Hey, stop shooting! Someone could get hurt!

I will only stop when you are dead.


I see you're back for even more humiliation, you flatulent, Ur-Quan pus-cup.

Look, you're getting me REALLY pissed-off! Stop attacking and talk!

Too bad.


Evil murderer, you think to taunt me.

Ha! And again I say, Ha!

I have faced far worse than you

You pitiful imitation of six-weeks dead Dhrang!

Don't you know the war is over?

For me it will never be over.


I swear by the hero, Daikon, this time I will kill you.

Look {Shofixti name}, the war is over -- really!

For you perhaps, fat cowardly lard-log.


Gee, if that's the way you feel, then I'll be on my way.

Oh no you don't


I, Katana the Warrior, have travelled for long years through space finally to come home

only to witness you blasting my brother to atoms!

Now you die!

There is no point in further bloodshed.

Oh yes there is!

When you have shed enough blood, You Will Die!


Ah, so the cowardly slug-spawn has returned!

You were most fortunate last time, you hideous, pouchless freak

but this time I shall surely destroy your vessel

you slithering eater of putrid hairballs.

No one insults us like that you toothless, piebald, impotent roof-rabbit!

You limp, bloodless sack of decaying flesh Ur-Quan! You die!


I'll kill you this time you pitiful, weakling fancier of herd animal excrement!

Those are mighty words from a dripping, snout-rotted little furball!

I will hang your withered reproductive organs from my posterior monitor!


Look donkey breath - one more insult and it's vapor city for you!

Why you wallowing, phlegm-filled Dgrunti belly-licker, you


Ur-Quans never insulted me before!

Who did you say you were?

I am Captain {Name} from the {Alliance name} aboard the flagship {Ship name}. Cease aggression immediately!

Oh. I am sorriest

I must be reprimanded.

When we report back to Star Control...


Hyai! What a fool I am!

When you failed to launch fighter craft, I should have guessed.

Just one of those mistakes you make in war...

I am the guy who called you donkey-breath, you violent little varmint.

Ah, Earth humor! Very funny . Ha-ha-ha!

But what is donk--...

Suddenly your words ring in my ears!

Captain, is this true? Have the Ur-Quan been destroyed?

Has the ultimate sacrifice of my people resulted in freedom for the Alliance?

Well yes AND no... mostly no.

I'm sorry to be the one to tell you, but the Alliance got its butt blasted.

Er... maybe we should talk about this later.




I am a defeated warrior! A worthless shell!

I must die!!!!

Don't do it, old Warrior! You still have much to live for!

Like what?!

My race is dead. My world is an airless rock. And I've seen all my FunRoms at least a hundred times.

My life is over.

I have already picked out a nice asteroid to smash into

so if you don't mind, I'll just go kill myself.

Unless you want to annihilate me yourself.

Shofixti, don't kill yourself. Instead, join our fleet. Fight with us!

To fight again? Against the UR-QUAN! YES!!...

...but no. I cannot leave my home unguarded.

I will remain here and keep a solitary vigil.


Fine. Go ahead. Kill yourself, you violent little weasel.

Wait! I have had a sudden realization!

If you are here, in such an amazing ship

that means there is yet hope to defeat the evil Ur-Quan pus-dogs!

A sudden exhilaration sweeps through my old body

I have changed my mind, Captain! I will not smash myself into an asteroid

instead, I will wait here, and when the time comes, Captain

when you have found the duty that only I can perform

I will be waiting here... eager to help you.

No, wait, don't kill yourself! You have an important duty to perform.

Shofixti, you have an important duty to perform!

What might that be?

What would you think about procreating wildly?

I can give you the opportunity to replenish your species.

Shofixti, I have something a lot better than FunRoms. Are you interested?

I am intrigued, Captain, but what are you talking about?

We have obtained females of your species.

We can make available a bevy of fecund Shofixti nubiles.

What would you say to rat-babes galore?

Great leaping mounds of happiness!

You shall be honored forever, Captain, as the savior of the Shofixti race!

I have been granted the ultimate reward, er.. duty.

This humble warrior will take the Shofixti maidens you possess

gently wake them

and then perform ribald feats of unsurpassed fertility!

With their consent, of course.

Our people shall be reborn!

Your name shall be recorded in our most sacred writings for all time!

Thank you Captain, and farewell... I have urgent business to attend to.

Farewell, {Shofixti name}.

Goodbye, Captain {Name}.

So what were you doing here {Shofixti name}?

I guard the homeworld. I seek revenge against its destroyers, the Ur-Quan and their

vile battle thralls. I await the return of the hero Daikon and the rebirth of my species.

Where is your life-filled homeworld, Kyabetsu?

My people blew up the sun, heh, heh, heh!

Or at least, they caused it to flare like a nova, destroying the many hundreds of Hierarchy vessels

that had invaded our system to enslave us Shofixti.

If your sun went nova, how did you survive?

I wasn't here when they made the sun nova.

I was assigned to a Yehat squadron as a foreward scout performing deep recon into Mycon space.

We were sent to investigate reports of unusual Mycon activity around Beta Brahe.

I was the first ship to enter the system.

My scanners showed a small fleet of Mycon clustered around a planet, conducting a test of some device.

The unit was small, not even half the size of my ship.

When the Mycon activated it, a glow began to radiate outward.

I crept closer to get a better look.

Suddenly, there was a flare, like a new born sun, blinding me and overloading my sensors.

When I recovered my vision, hours later, the Mycon and their device were gone.

I was able to effect repairs on my sensors and depart the system

but I had been cut off from my squadron, and had to travel home alone.

So what happened to your ship?

On my way home, I encountered a VUX Intruder. Before I destroyed it

the VUX was able to affix some of those vile limpet things to my ship

and I had to return home at a greatly diminished speed.

I did find one thing interesting though as I skimmed through the edge of Yehat space.

I dropped into Zeta Sextantis to re-charge some of my depleted energy cells

so I moved into the extreme inner system. There, right next to the sun

I found a very strange planet... it messed up my sensors somehow

that's why I couldn't recognize your ship at first.

I'd never seen a planet like that before, so maybe you should investigate.

When we were fighting, why didn't you use your Glory Device?

The switch broke.

Goodbye, Shofixti warrior.

Good hunting.

Greetings, Captain {Name}. It is good to see you and the {Ship name} again.

What's your report {Shofixti name}?

Nothing new to report, {Name}, sir.

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