So, I suppose you are wondering what I'm doing at this control console
well, I guess I can tell you now.
I'm writing a screenplay!
It's an existential thriller!
Kind of a cross between a Woody Allen angst-fest mixed with some of Tobe Hooper's best work.
But actually, this is just my way of getting my wing in the door, you see
what I really want to do is DIRECT!

BRAAK! It is sure and a true thing that the alien interloper has now been warned
not to approach Caer Zeep-Reep, the Queen's High Perch
lest it be blasted without further warning!

BRAAK! It is a shocking thing to see the return of the human renegade!
One knows this will not be boding well with her Majesty today.

What's happened in the twenty years since our species last met?

HEEP! It is a wondering thought that crosses my mind human starship Captain.
Are ye not knowing that the cause of our Queen and empire
is now allied with the fortunes of the mighty Ur-Quan?...
...and that yer presence here is being only the end of yer life?
Haven't ye got the sense, human, to know this simple thing?

BRAAK! Ye are asking the words of a mindless child, human!
Here, in the Hall of the Queen's High Perch
ye shall not be finding the sympathies ye so vainly seek.
There are none here but the nobles and thanes of the Yehat Clans.
It is a sure thing that we will not be casting flower petals in yer path of rebellion.

I, x of y commanding the z, demand that you uphold your duties as our allies!

Yip! Are ye DAFT human!? Have ye not heard our words?
You and yer kind are slaves, just as we
but you humans have been confined within a shield of slaves!
To be found outside this selfsame shield is surely yer own doom!
It is NOT a permitted thing fer ye to be a-travelling through space
and now, we must be conforming to our Queen's oath to the Ur-Quan.
We must be getting about the business of killing you!

You must help us. Surely you owe us this much, at least!

BRAAAK! It is an unbelieveable thing!
Ye speak the words that ruffle our feathers and cause our blood to boil!
We, the loyal servants of our Queen, bless her Beak, will not be helping the likes of ye
or any of the traitor Yehat bastards ye may have found among the ranks of the starship Clans!

Surely giving us some scraps of information would be okay?

AWK! Our Queen has spoken the commands to us, and we are obeying her words!
No assistance, of any kind at all, shall be given to you, human
so do not be making the assumptions, that ye know a right thing from a wrong!
Are ye smarter than the Queen, is that what yer saying, human?
We shall not be giving ye a SCRAP OF MEAT!... much less our secrets.

Tell us of your offshoot species, the Pkunk.

The Pkunk have been absorbed. They are no more.
This is how it should be.
Now the matter is settled, human. Do not be bringing it up again... BRAAK!

BRAAAK! CLACK!! HISS!! CLACK!!
The cowards live?!! HISS!! It is unbelievable!!
AWK! It is a SAD, SAD day to be hearing this thing from ye, human.
The P... the Pku... BRAK!! I canna even say their vile name!
The Pku... PKU-NK! are the greatest embarrassment our species has ever suffered!
Do not be calling these wretched creatures an offshoot of our species! BRAAK!
Better it is that ye be calling them GARBAGE! or DROPPINGS!... or better yet
do not be talking about them at all! CLACK!

You disappoint us. We expected more from you. Goodbye.

So human, now ye be thinking that ye shall slink away
to commit some vile treason and dirty our Queen's good name. Isn't this true?
AWK! Do not be answering! We know the truth.
We will not let ye pass!

BRAK! What am I seeing on my view screen!? HOOT!
It is none other than the flattened old face of our friends, the human!
But old ally, are ye not knowing that we, the Yehat are allied with the Ur-Quan now?...
and yer presence outside the slave shield, and, HOOT!... in an armed starship
are clear violations of yer Oath of Fealty?!
AWK! Whatever shall we do? It just isn't a right thing to kill you, human
but as a loyal member of my Clan, I must obey the wishes of our Queen!

HOOT! Human, what are you doing back here!? Are ye totally off yer perch!?
We have sympathies fer yer cause, tis true
but we must obey the orders of our Queen, however much we may disagree with them!

Human! I am beginning to think that ye are touched, fer sure!
Ye tempt fate and our sympathy too much, I think.
This time, perhaps we cannot be as much yer friends as ye would like.

AWK! Human! Human. You try our souls with yer return!
What is it ye be wanting now?

We should be allies... friends!

BRAAK! Your words are flying in the face of the facts, human.
We are no longer being your AWK!... allies.
But unlike the nobles of our homeworld, we, of the Starship Clans
are AWK!... bereaved at this course of events.
The Queen's decision to be AWK!... joining the Hierarchy, pains us!

How did the Ur-Quan defeat you? What happened?

BRAAK!! HISS!!! CLACK! BRAAACK! HISS!!!
WE - WERE - NOT - DEFEATED, HUMAN!!!!
Never! Never in the two-thousand years of the Veep-Neep Queens
have the Yehat ever, BRAAK!... EVER suffered a defeat!
It is this fact ALONE that is making our loyalty to the Queen so strong!
This is the unbreakable bond that keeps the Clans together!
When the Ur-Quan were entering our home star system at Gamma Serpentis
we had a thousand starships prepared to defend our home, BRAK!!
But then... our Queen... She... she
allied with the Ur-Quan
and the fight is over before it is even begun. AWK!

What about your legendary honor? Your courage? What would the Shofixti think?!

AWK! Awk!... hiss... awk... (sob!)...(whimper)!
We have fallen so far. (sob!)
We are not being the same (whimper!) great birds of prey your people were once knowing and trusting.
We have each betrayed the honor of our Clan, Awk! (whimper!)... just as our Queen
is betraying each of us with her association with the Ur-Quan...
If the valiant child species, the (sob-gulp!)... Shofixti were being here today
the shame!... Oh the shame!... it would be unbearable!
(whimper!)... awk!

Aren't you just slaves to the Ur-Quan?

HISS!!! BRAK!! NO!
WE ARE NOT SLAVES!! WE ARE!... We are!... we are... battle thralls.

I, x, of the z, in the name of y ask the Clans to honor their word and fight at our side!

As much as my heart cries to aid ye, valiant human, AWK!... I cannot!
Each of us is sworn first to our Queen who
AWK!... has commanded us to treat ye as an enemy of the Crown!

Your species' obligation cannot simply be forgotten!

AWK! BRAK!! AWK!! Can't ye see that ye are killing me human?
The shame!... the awful shame of it!
What ye say is true, BRAAK!... we SHOULD be under the same wing
but DAMN YER EYES!... our Queen has given the Ur-Quan our allegiance
and there is nothing I can be doing about it now!

At least help us with materials for our struggle!

AWK! We cannot!
To be doing so would be a direct violation of our royal Queen's commands!

Think, Yehat. The sheer dishonor of it all.

AWK! BRAAK! Awk!... hiss... awk... (whimper)!
We cannot be giving ye material aid, Captain, AWK!...
...but perhaps ye can make use of this information.
Captain, when we were fighting the Great War against the YEEP!... Mycons, YEEP!...
we encountered a number of odd worlds which seemed to be having their crust shattered.
Molten lava ran across the surface in huge rivers, and dense metallic elements were abundant.
But the strangest world we found was the first planet at the star at coordinates 639.5 : 231.2.
The Mycons were guarding this planet with an almost limitless number of their Podships
as though there were something of great value there.
We could never break through their forces, though we destroyed scores of their ships.
Perhaps, if ye fare better than we, or can somehow trick the Mycons to let ye land
you may discover this secret, and it may help ye in yer quest.

Tell us about the Pkunk.

This is a matter for the Yehat, human, and ONLY for the Yehat.
The Pkunk have been absorbed... and that is being the end of it.
Do not ask further about this matter.

BRAAAK! CLACK!! HISS!! CLACK!!
You have met them!?? The wretched creatures are alive?!!
HISS!! CLACK!! HISS!! CLACK!!
You should be telling us where they are, Captain!
Tell us so that we can be correcting the mistake made a thousand years ago
when we permitted the Pkunk to leave our Nest alive.
By all rights, we should have eliminated the craven cowards down to the last bird!

Goodbye Yehat... our allies and friends.

Though honoring our past commitment we are not, AWK!
we will be letting you go in peace.

AWK! Ye are causing us sorrow, human, sorrow indeed
because now we must obey the commands of our Queen and destroy ye.

This may come as a shock, but the Shofixti are reborn.
We have a Shofixti Captain here with us. Now do you believe?

If this is being a true thing, there will be many changes.
But we are a species long wise in the ways of deceit.
Ye must be proving these words ye say, Captain.
Send the Shofixti to us as a way of proof.

Ye are lying to us once, Captain. Now we need the hard evidence.
Order yer supposed Shofixti to come to us, Captain.

Well I don't have one right HERE.
I will not subject one of my officers to such danger.

It is a trick then, isn't it, BRAAK!.. and nothing more.
Human, we have been patient with ye up to this point, CLACK! but now ye have gone too far.
Ye have most skillfully rubbed the salt into our wounds, and ye shall pay fer it in blood!

HISS!! Another TRICK! BRAAK! HISS!
Yer lying tongue has doomed ye!

All right, I'll send over the Shofixti.

We are scanning the separation of a vessel from yer fleet, Captain
and indeed, its configuration matches that of a Shofixti Scout vessel.
This had better not be a trick, Captain!
We are knowing the power of a Glory Device, and if you detonate the weapon near us
the price for you shall be dear, very dear.
The Scout has docked, and we await the pilot's appearance at the airlock.
The atmosphere cycle is complete... the door slides open... and
AWK!! BRAAK!! YEEP!! IT IS TRUE!!! THE SHOFIXTI ARE ALIVE!!!
Look at that furred muzzle, those shining black eyes, the sweet claws!
Our children have returned from oblivion!!
But now we are faced with the cruellest truth!...
...We who have sacrificed our honor! We who have lain with our enemy!
WE ARE NOT WORTHY! WE ARE NOTHING!...We are less than nothing.
But wait! We are not Spathi. We are Yehat... OF THE STARSHIP CLANS!
We will NOT live this lie any longer!
Listen as I speak these words! If our Queen makes the dishonorable command
then it is THE QUEEN WHO HAS NO HONOR!
And a dishonorable Queen is NO QUEEN AT ALL!
We, the Zeep-Zeep, are the only Clan who remember the TRUE MEANING of honor
we shall TEAR THE QUEEN FROM HER THRONE!
The two-thousand year reign of the Veep-Neep Queens IS OVER!
THE REVOLUTION HAS BEGUN!

HOOT! Human... ye shall never be fully comprehending the damage you are doing now to our Yehat culture.
For fully TWO THOUSAND YEARS there has been peace between the Clans!...
...and now you have cast the ancient seed of dissension between our beaks!
The bloody Wars of Ascension are renewed, and YOU are the cause, Captain!
While the Zeep-Zeep traitors may be your allies, Captain
I can be assuring you that we, of the Feep-Eeep Starship Clan
are wanting nothing more dearly than your death!

It is the human Agitator who would see Her Radiant Majesty pulled from the High Perch!
BRAAK! Ye will rue the day ye devised this wicked scheme!

Human! Like all heroes, ye be as brainless as ye are brave.
Do ye not know, HEEP! that here there be none of the traitorous Zeep-Zeep Starship Clans!
Ye are as good as dead, human.

BRAAK! Cease yer bloody taunting, human!
Ye dance like a sick breeg, never engaging us in battle-to-the-death
as honor and true courage are demanding, BRAAK!

So, how's the revolution going for you guys?

Revolution!? BRAAK! Ye compliment yerself unnecessarily, Captain.
This is nothing more than a, CLACK!... band of thugs trying to undo the peace of a hundred generations!
We will roast the traitors in their ships, and, BRAAK! crack the eggs in their Clanhome
so that never again will the Zeep-Zeep criminals be flying through our stars.

Do not be worrying yerself, Captain, HEEP! Victory is almost within our grasp.

Gosh, I'm sorry about this revolution thing. I didn't mean any harm.

The pain and suffering of this useless conflict, BRAAK!... are being nothing but a tragic waste of life.
Congratulate yerself, Captain. The source of all this death and misery is yerself.

Goodbye, Royalist toady!

Now ye must pay fer yer crimes, human!



HOOT mon! Welcome to ye, human friend and ally!
The revolution has begun and, BRAAK!... Clans flock to our cause!

Greetings friend from Earth, BRAAK!
The head of our revolution, Cheep-Guava, has led us to many great victories.
We have cleaned the Royalist traitors from five star systems!

BRAAK! A greetings to ye, Captain!
We hope yer battles have been fierce and yer enemies, HOOT!.. are left in ruin.
Now what can we be doing fer ye?

Hello Captain. What are you needing from us this day? BRAAK!

How is the revolution going?

We have cleaned the Royalist traitors from five systems
and even the Veep-Kreep Clan is joining with us against the false Queen!

'Tis a sad thing, this battle that has pitted Clan against Clan, ship against ship
I myself have sent three Royalist Terminators and their brave crew to the Great Beyond!
AWK! What a waste.
We pray that the struggle ends quickly.

Though we have taken grave losses -- lost brave and true shipmates
the enemy -- the fake Queen and her cronies, have suffered far worse.

Our victory is in sight, just beyond the next battle
or perhaps the next.

Do you have any ships available to join our fleet?

The question is moot, HOOT!... is it not, since ye have no room fer such ships in yer fleet.

We are honored to help ye, Captain!
We shall attach three Terminators to yer fleet immediately.

We are happy assisting ye, Captain.
We shall provide ye with enough of our Terminator vessels to complete yer fleet.
Fight well with them, Captain. They are our best and brightest.

AWK! Alas, as yet we have no ships which we can be making available to ye at this time.
However, if ye return at a later date, perhaps then we shall have something fer ye.

Would you share some information with us?

Of course! What knowledge do ye seek?

Can you tell me about your Royal Family?

The FALSE Royals, ye should say, Captain!
To understand our relationship with the Veep-Neep Queens, ye must first learn a bit of our history.
In the ancient past, we Yehat were little more than a collection of warring Clans.
That history is bloody, Captain... hideous. We were barbarous then, aye... murderers all.
Many great warlords rose from the hills and forests of our verdant homeworld to unite the clans
to become High King of all Yehat Clans. Each one failed.
It was no male who finally won the great prize, the High Perch of Caer Zeep-Reep!
No, Captain, it was a female!... a wise and powerful Queen... the first of the Veep-Neep Dynasty.
In exchange fer the Clans' fealty, she gave a simple, compelling promise.
She guaranteed that united under her wing, the Clans would NEVER suffer defeat!
And she kept her promise. At long last, there was peace on our world.
Her line kept true to this promise fer over twenty centuries
soothing ruffled feathers, dispensing justice, stamping out foment
but then came the present Queen... a true harridan!
Under her rule, the power of the Starship Clans was transferred
to the sycophantic Homeworld dandies... to `warlords' who had nae seen true combat.
We, the beak and claw of the Yehat Empire were powerless to influence her decisions.
When the Queen showed the true colors of her plumage and allied with the evil Ur-Quan worms
we realized that she would do anything, ANYTHING!...
...to maintain the illusion of upholding her ancestor's promise
even if it meant destroying our honor, everything that we stand fer, in the exchange.
Now we, the true Yehat Clans, seek to pull the false Queen from the High Perch.
Perhaps we will find a new Queen someday who will bring together the Clans once more.
Or sadly, I fear we may never replace the Veep-Neeps Queens
and we shall fight Clan against Clan until only the bloody feathers remain.

Tell me about the end of the War.

I will describe these events, Captain.
They make fer a tale, Captain, fraught with sadness... and heroism!... and betrayal.
After the Chenjesu, Mmrnmhrm and yer species were defeated
We prepared a defense at the Shofixti homestar, Delta Gorno.
Beside our Shofixti, our adopted children, we awaited the onslaught of the Ur-Quan armada.
We waited with eagerness and the hot anticipation of battle!
But then we received an unbelievable message from our Queen... retreat.
We could not believe it! Tactical withdrawals, yes... but to pull back the entire fleet?
There was no mistake... no garbled orders.
We obeyed.
Oh, Captain! The eyes of the Shofixti! Their bright and valiant eyes!... as we moved away.
Without us... they had no hope of forming a tactical wedge.
They would barely slow the Hierarchy fleet.
When the Ur-Quan came, the Shofixti fought as immortal heroes!...
darting in and out of the Dreadnought formations
and then suddenly BLAZING!... like dying stars.
But... in only a few hours... the Shofixti fleet was gone
and the Dreadnoughts moved towards the homeworld.

How were the Shofixti defeated?

As we abandoned the Shofixti to the oncoming Ur-Quan armada
we watched the situation on the sterile displays of our long range sensors.
Suddenly the screens flared and went black... burnt out! We ran to the windows
just in time to see the Shofixti's sun burning with incredible light
many orders of magnitude greater than its normal brilliance!
A million tongues of fusion fire spread though the star system
devastating the inner system planets, but incinerating ALL the Ur-Quan vessels!
In that moment, the Hierarchy's war fleet was reduced by almost thirty percent.
We later remembered that not too many years before the appearance of the Ur-Quan
the Shofixti had told us that they had found `something'.
With the pride of a hatchling's first flight, they unveiled their find
it was about the size of a surface transport, but cylindrical and entirely black.
Across its surface were a million characters scrawled in an alien script.
The message was clear... DANGER! DO NOT TOUCH!
We trusted the Shofixti to respect the warning, and left the device in their possession.
At the end, when the Ur-Quan were approaching their planet
the Shofixti must have realized they could not win
but at least they could insure that both sides would lose.
They must have detonated the device in the outer layer of their sun.
The sudden removal of a section of the sun's surface layers
must have allowed the pressurized plasma from the interior to burst out
like a miniature super nova.

Do you know anything about the VUX?

The grotesque monsters? They are an effete and bigoted race, unworthy prey
with one exception... Admiral ZEX.
He commanded the entire VUX fleet during the Great War
and even by our high standards of battle skill, he is a genius.
The brilliant tactics of Fortress Square and the Dynamic Triangle are his creations.
Without ZEX, the VUX would have fallen to our Alliance fleets in weeks
but ZEX always found a way to turn his own weakness into an advantage.
After the War, we learned that the Primat and the VUX High Council
decided to move ZEX out of the picture, and sent him off to `luxurious retirement' at Alpha Cerenkov I.
We have heard that he spends his time pursuing his hobby, though we do not know more than that.

How can we defeat the Ur-Quan?

If I were ye, brave human, I'd probably be seeking the focus of the Ur-Quan's power
and do whatever is necessary to destroy it.
We may have a hint as to just what that weak spot is.
When we were Hierarchy battle slaves
we learned that the Ur-Quan were possessing some kind of super-weapon
a huge battleship they called `Sa-Matra' with the firepower to destroy an entire star fleet.
For some reason, the Ur-Quan were reluctant to use the vessel.
It wasn't until their armada was held back at the coreward front
that they finally brought the Sa-Matra's power to bear on the Alliance.
Captain, here's my advice... ye can be destroying Dreadnoughts until the breegs come home
but ye are never going to defeat the Ur-Quan Hierarchy until ye eliminate their Sa-Matra.

That's sufficient information for now.

If you need to know anything more, just ask.

Goodbye, brave rebels. Viva la Revolution!

Goodbye, human comrade. Fight well!

Greetings, human friend! We know ye are about to be attacking the Sa-Matra
and probably don't like being interrupted, but we have important news!...
The Rebellion is WON! We are VICTORIOUS!
We have pulled the Veep-Neep harpy Queen and her cronies from the High Perch!
And better yet... we have found a new Queen!...
...A Queen who will unite the Clans in peace and harmony as never before!
You will never guess who it is, Captain!
A PKUNK!
Yes! It is TRUE! They survived their absorption into our culture
and are now providing us with insights into ourselves we never dreamed of!
We only THOUGHT we were happy being birds of prey! We were fooling ourselves!
Our new Queen's name is Braky Girdy the First!... and her first command
was to rush here and bring ye these ships...Yehat Terminators and Pkunk Furies.
Now, Captain, together we can attack the Sa-Matra! BRAAK! HOOT! HOOT!

We have encountered an offshoot of your species, the Pkunk. Tell us about them.

The Pkunk have been absorbed. They are no more.
This is how it should be.
Now the matter is settled, human. Do not be bringing it up again... BRAAK!

BRAAAK! CLACK!! HISS!! CLACK!!
The cowards live?!! HISS!! It is unbelievable!!
AWK! 'Tis a SAD, SAD day to be hearing this thing from ye, human.
The P... the Pku... BRAK!! I canna even say their vile name!
The Pku... PKU-NK! are the greatest embarrassment our species has ever suffered!
Do not be calling these wretched creatures an offshoot of our species! BRAAK!
Better it is that ye be calling them GARBAGE! or DROPPINGS!... or better yet
do not be talking about them at all! CLACK!