Ah, I see someone approaches, but who is it?
Ho, ho! It is the creature which I wrongly called a disgusting Ur-Quan slimewad
and a cowardly slug-spawn
and a pouchless lard-log freak
and a leprous, non-functional sex organ
and a wallowing, phlegm-filled Dgrunti belly-licker.
HA! My human friend has returned!
So what am I doing out here, you ask?
I'M TRYING TO GET SOME REST, THAT'S WHAT!!!
I'll be lucky if I don't have a heart attack soon.
You have no idea how hard it is to personally replenish an entire species!

I, Katana the Warrior, have travelled for long years through space finally to come home
only to witness you blasting my brother to atoms!
Now you die!

The Ur-Quan has returned! How unusually brave
for a leprous, non-functional sex organ, like yourself.

Evil murderer, you think to taunt me.
Ha! And again I say, Ha!
I have faced far worse than you
You pitiful imitation of six-weeks dead Dhrang!

I swear by the hero, Daikon, this time I will kill you.

Attention huge alien vessel!
Though most of my sensory instruments are malfunctioning
my mass indicator shows the huge size or your vessel
revealing that you are none other
than a disgusting Ur-Quan slimewad!
I am the glorious Shofixti warrior, Tanaka.
You killed my father... my mother... my many brothers
all six of my sisters
in fact, my entire species.
Prepare to die!

Ah, so the cowardly slug-spawn has returned!
You were most fortunate last time, you hideous, pouchless freak
but this time I shall surely destroy your vessel
you slithering eater of putrid hairballs.

I see you're back for even more humiliation, you flatulent, Ur-Quan pus-cup.

I'll kill you this time you pitiful, weakling fancier of herd animal excrement!

Don't attack -- we're not the Ur-Quan! We're your allies!

A typical Ur-Quan gambit... which has failed.
And now I howl the scream of death -- Kyaiee!

Hey, stop shooting! Someone could get hurt!

I will only stop when you are dead.
Kyaiee!

Look, you're getting me REALLY pissed-off! Stop attacking and talk!

Too bad.
Kyaiee!

Don't you know the war is over?

For me it will never be over.
Kyaiee!

Look, the war is over -- really!

For you perhaps, fat cowardly lard-log.
Kyaiee!

There is no point in further bloodshed.

Oh yes there is!
When you have shed enough blood, You Will Die!
Kyaiee!

Gee, if that's the way you feel, then I'll be on my way.

Oh no you don't
Kyaiee!

No one insults us like that you toothless, piebald, impotent roof-rabbit!

You limp, bloodless sack of decaying flesh Ur-Quan! You die!
Kyaiee!

Those are mighty words from a dripping, snout-rotted little furball!

I will hang your withered reproductive organs from my posterior monitor!
Kyaiee!

Look donkey breath - one more insult and it's vapor city for you!

Why you wallowing, phlegm-filled Dgrunti belly-licker, you
hey
Ur-Quans never insulted me before!
Who did you say you were?

I am Captain x from the y aboard the flagship z. Cease aggression immediately!
I am the nice, friendly ally WHOM YOU'VE BEEN TRYING TO KILL -- YOU IDIOT, MORON RATHEAD!
I am the guy who called you donkey-breath, you violent little varmint.

Oh. I am sorriest
I must be reprimanded.
When we report back to Star Control...

Hyai! What a fool I am!
When you failed to launch fighter craft, I should have guessed.
Just one of those mistakes you make in war...

Ah, Earth humor! Very funny . Ha-ha-ha!
But what is donk--...

Suddenly your words ring in my ears!
Captain, is this true? Have the Ur-Quan been destroyed?
Has the ultimate sacrifice of my people resulted in freedom for the Alliance?

Well yes AND no... mostly no.
I'm sorry to be the one to tell you, but the Alliance got its butt blasted.
Er... maybe we should talk about this later.

HYAIEEE!
GYAIEEE!
IEEE!
I am a defeated warrior! A worthless shell!
I must die!!!!

No, wait, don't kill yourself! You have an important duty to perform.
Shofixti, you have an important duty to perform!

What might that be?

Shofixti, don't kill yourself. Instead, join our fleet. Fight with us!

To fight again? Against the UR-QUAN! YES!!...
...but no. I cannot leave my home unguarded.
I will remain here and keep a solitary vigil.
Goodbye.

Don't do it, old Warrior! You still have much to live for!

Like what?!
My race is dead. My world is an airless rock. And I've seen all my FunRoms at least a hundred times.
My life is over.
I have already picked out a nice asteroid to smash into
so if you don't mind, I'll just go kill myself.
Unless you want to annihilate me yourself.

Fine. Go ahead. Kill yourself, you violent little weasel.

Wait! I have had a sudden realization!
If you are here, in such an amazing ship
that means there is yet hope to defeat the evil Ur-Quan pus-dogs!
A sudden exhilaration sweeps through my old body
I have changed my mind, Captain! I will not smash myself into an asteroid
instead, I will wait here, and when the time comes, Captain
when you have found the duty that only I can perform
I will be waiting here... eager to help you.

What would you think about procreating wildly?
I can give you the opportunity to replenish your species.
Shofixti, I have something a lot better than FunRoms. Are you interested?

I am intrigued, Captain, but what are you talking about?

We have obtained females of your species.
We can make available a bevy of fecund Shofixti nubiles.
What would you say to rat-babes galore?

Great leaping mounds of happiness!
You shall be honored forever, Captain, as the savior of the Shofixti race!
I have been granted the ultimate reward, er.. duty.
This humble warrior will take the Shofixti maidens you possess
gently wake them
and then perform ribald feats of unsurpassed fertility!
With their consent, of course.
Our people shall be reborn!
Your name shall be recorded in our most sacred writings for all time!
Thank you Captain, and farewell... I have urgent business to attend to.

Farewell.

Goodbye, Captain

So what were you doing here?

I guard the homeworld. I seek revenge against its destroyers, the Ur-Quan and their
vile battle thralls. I await the return of the hero Daikon and the rebirth of my species.

Where is your life-filled homeworld, Kyabetsu?

My people blew up the sun, heh, heh, heh!
Or at least, they caused it to flare like a nova, destroying the many hundreds of Hierarchy vessels
that had invaded our system to enslave us Shofixti.

If your sun went nova, how did you survive?

I wasn't here when they made the sun nova.
I was assigned to a Yehat squadron as a foreward scout performing deep recon into Mycon space.
We were sent to investigate reports of unusual Mycon activity around Beta Brahe.
I was the first ship to enter the system.
My scanners showed a small fleet of Mycon clustered around a planet, conducting a test of some device.
The unit was small, not even half the size of my ship.
When the Mycon activated it, a glow began to radiate outward.
I crept closer to get a better look.
Suddenly, there was a flare, like a new born sun, blinding me and overloading my sensors.
When I recovered my vision, hours later, the Mycon and their device were gone.
I was able to effect repairs on my sensors and depart the system
but I had been cut off from my squadron, and had to travel home alone.

So what happened to your ship?

On my way home, I encountered a VUX Intruder. Before I destroyed it
the VUX was able to affix some of those vile limpet things to my ship
and I had to return home at a greatly diminished speed.
I did find one thing interesting though as I skimmed through the edge of Yehat space.
I dropped into Zeta Sextantis to re-charge some of my depleted energy cells
so I moved into the extreme inner system. There, right next to the sun
I found a very strange planet... it messed up my sensors somehow
that's why I couldn't recognize your ship at first.
I'd never seen a planet like that before, so maybe you should investigate.

When we were fighting, why didn't you use your Glory Device?

The switch broke.

Goodbye, Shofixti warrior.

Good hunting.

Greetings, Captain. It is good to see you and the z again.

What's your report?

Nothing new to report, sir.