I am Trade Master Greenish in command of the Melnorme starship
`Inevitably Successful in All Circumstances.'
I bid you a formal welcome, Captain.
Though we Melnorme have just recently arrived in this region of space
we have long desired to make contact with your species
and look forward to an extended profitable relationship.
As a master trader in the Melnorme merchant fleet, I greet you, Captain.
News of your species and your unusual vessel has travelled quickly.
I need not say how eager we are to trade with you and your kind!
Now, how can I be of service to you?
Hello again, human space captain.
Perhaps during this encounter, we will be able to establish a successful, businesslike relationship.
Even before our first meeting, we knew of you, Captain.
Though your struggle to free Earth shall be a long and difficult challenge
fraught with great danger and mystery
we have great confidence in you and your abilities.
How did you know about us before meeting us?We gather information from a thousand secret sources in space and time.
Our charge for revealing even one of these sources would be so high
that your species would be in debt to us for centuries.
What can you tell us about yourselves?We Melnorme are interstellar purveyors of fine trade goods and valuable information.
Our origins and purposes are, frankly, mysterious and due to several unavoidable factors
we are unable to discuss ourselves in any great detail.
What are these 'unavoidable factors'?First and foremost among these factors
is our unwillingness to GIVE away information about
our history, psychology and mental powers,
our unique physiology,
the exact locations of homeworlds,
or our potentially ominous, long-range plans.
these important and relevant pieces of information
for a nominal sum of Credits.
Do you have any information which might be useful to us?Absolutely.
Our primary trade good IS information.
Why, right here on my display screen, I have something
which I am certain would be of incalculable value to you!
We can discuss the details of this VERY significant information
later, when we have established normal trading procedures
at which time we shall also discuss the nature of our fees.
Fees! Surely your culture is far beyond such pettiness as money?You are of course correct.
We long ago abandoned currency,
and now only deal with commodities that have intrinsic value, such as valuable information
But our cause is just! Isn't altruism the highest pinnacle of morality?No, it is not.
In fact, in our culture, `giving'
with no fair exchange of goods or services,
is considered vulgar and inappropriate.
Please do not mention this subject again.
Shall we begin trading now?
`Trade' is for the weak. We TAKE what we want!We reel with inchoate fear, and are thrown into a sudden panic.
Being peaceful by nature
we would no doubt be unprepared for your sudden hostility
were it not for the excellent weapon system we bought from the Keel-Verezy just last month.
A weapon system which is fully locked on your command bridge, by the way.
We cannot continue this conversation. Goodbye.
When you wish to trade with us, seek any supergiant star system.
We shall be there.
Yes, let us get down to business.
How nice to see you again, Captain.
Before we go on, I have a small announcement.
As you may know, in our travels throughout the galaxy
we Melnorme have found many strange and interesting alien artifacts.
One of these devices is the MetaChron, a kind of trans-time alarm system.
In a nutshell, it warns me of future dangers by predicting its own demise
which is most likely linked to my own well being, since I keep it under my pillow.
The unit is a small pyramid and, when all is well, white in color.
But if we are proceeding along a timeline which will eventually result in the destruction of the MetaChron
the unit slowly darkens. Presumably, it will be destroyed at the same time as it turns completely black.
When we first entered this region of space, the MetaChron was white.
Now it is light gray.
At its present rate of change, something will destroy the MetaChron
in the early part of the year 2159.
In order to avoid this unpleasantness, we may be leaving just before this time
so if you have business you wish to conduct with us
I suggest you do so before January 2159, or February at the latest.
I had itchy pods this morning, Captain, and here you are!
What a coincidence! I was just talking about you with a Keel-Verezy captain.
He/she/they expressed great interest in your explorations and struggles against the Ur-Quan
but, like all Verezy, I'm afraid he/she/they were hesitant to introduce themselves for fear of
In any event, it is our pleasure to meet you once again.
Once again we meet to exchange valuable tangibles.
Isn't this fun?!
Your arrival was predicted by our Tzo crystal's vibrations.
We already know why you are here and what you need from us; however
etiquette requires that we act as though we are ignorant of your desires.
This very morning, I was just saying to subordinate Ochre
`Fe-Fi-Fo-Fum! I smell the feet of a Hu-Hu-Man!'
We laughed and laughed. What a synchronicity!
I must warn you, Captain
this is the time of the month we Melnorme drive exceptionally hard bargains.
Hoy! What a close call!
Captain, why did you try to run down that Keel-Verezy vessel!?
You almost smashed it into flinders!
What!? You didn't see it? Surely you -- oh
Welcome back, Captain! You are our favorite customer.
What's my Credit balance, if you please?
the violent one has returned.
Have you come back to seek our forgiveness
or to attack our defenseless vessel once more?
You have disappointed us
though to be truthful
we had some hints that our relationship would be difficult at first
due to your species' emotional immaturity.
We require a formal apology.
Can we discuss establishing an alliance?
Your question reveals a certain lack of understanding
about the nature of friendly, inter-species relationships.
We shall clarify the situation.
If you wish to be friends with someone
shoot wads of super-heated plasma at them.
Is this clear?
Look, mistakes happen. Don't get so bent out of shape!The Spathi once used a similar excuse
after an unfortunate incident at their base on Algol IV.
They didn't like the climate there
so they decided to make `just a few minor, climatic adjustments.'
Their equipment went haywire, they panicked and fled
and the entire atmosphere was stripped off the planet
much to the native Algolites sincere
Let's just forget our battle ever happened, ok?No.
What do you want from me, a formal apology?There is a small possibility that an apology would set things right.
But it would have to be genuine.
I apologize. I'm sorry. Please forgive me, I beg you.Well
since you put it so nicely
you seem so genuinely repentant
we'll give you another chance to become trading partners with us.
But don't ever attack us again
Or the next time we won't be such nice guys.
This seems like a great opportunity to attack you again.Deceitful human!
I'm leaving now. Goodbye.Farewell, violent human.
We thought you were a nice guy.
Boy, were we wrong!
Now go away and leave us alone.
So, the jerk is back.
What do you want from us this time?
Never mind, we don't want to know.
We will hate you forever
It is no use coming back here in the hopes that we will ever change our minds.
Don't ever come back!
This time you shall pay for your transgressions!
According to our scanners and other sensitive devices
you are immobile in HyperSpace with no fuel reserves.
This is a serious situation.
Without fuel you shall drift here until your batteries exhaust themselves
then your life-support will fail
and you will expire
unless, of course
a hostile alien vessel finds you here helpless
and annihilates you mercilessly.
This has been known to happen.
as a gesture of good will, and in the spirit of friendship, we offer our assistance!
For a nominal fee.
Once more we find ourselves in a position to help you.
Have you ever considered buying more fuel tanks?
Just a friendly suggestion, Captain.
We have come to help you once more, Captain.
We MUST stop meeting like this, Captain!
Ha, ha, ha
Har, har, har
Out of fuel again, eh, Captain?
Have you changed your mind
and decided to accept our offer of assistance?
No thanks, I don't need your help right now.
Perhaps I was hasty in refusing your offer. What was it again?
Would you like us to help you at this time?
Yes, I would appreciate your assistance. What is your fee?
I don't need your help at this time. Maybe later, though.
You have no Credit balance in our mercantile computer
and our scanners show you that you possess no useful trade goods
but, perhaps we can work out a special deal.
In exchange for our giving you enough fuel to
fill your tanks, we will take:
get you home, we will take:
I find I have no choice. I accept your offer... grudgingly.
This offer is absurd! I refuse.
The exchange of fuel for equipment is complete.
As always, it is a pleasure doing business with you.
Well then, we bid you farewell.
We hope to see you again
though with you sitting here, dead in space
vulnerable and alone
we won't hold our breath.
Good luck, Captain.
Until we meet again, Captain.
The Human has returned.
He hopes either to convince us of his sorrow over his past wrong-doings
or he intends to compel us to give/render unreasonable bargains by force.
Ahhh-YING!! Ahhh-YING! Ahhh-YING! Ahhh-Y
Oh sorry, Captain. I was just meditating on the sorry state of your consciousness.
Do you perceive any improvement?
Perhaps I can be of some assistance to you in this time of confusion and travail
either make a sincere apology to us, or depart.
We beg your forgiveness for our unwarranted aggression.Even if we were to accept your words as truth
you have a lot to make up for.
We stand prepared to make reparations for our previous conduct.Hmm...
Very well then.
We will give you a single opportunity to compensate us
for the damages you have inflicted upon our mercantile fleet
with your unreasonable attacks in the past.
We will not make this offer a second time.
You will give us all non-essential hardware from your vessel
Do you accept?
Ok, it's a deal, but ONLY the non-essentials!
What kind of sucker do you think I am? Forget it!
It's not worth stripping.
Removal of non-essential equipment is complete.
We are satisfied with the exchange, and believe that we can now pursue
a productive business relationship.
We shall forget the mistakes you made in the past. Mostly.
Prepare to be destroyed.No, YOU prepare to be destroyed!
Why did your bridge just turn blue?To us, blue ambience signifies a response to an unexpected threat
it shows that we are under emotional distress
and not incidentally
it also lets us see our weapon consoles more clearly.
We have no fear of you, Melnorme!You should.
Once the Dramya thought they could steal from us.
You don't see too many Dramya around these days, do you?
We have the most powerful ship in this part of the galaxy.Perhaps that is true, but you have only one ship.
Why shouldn't we just take what we want from you by force?Because it's against the law, and besides
if you steal from us, the other Melnorme ships will have to raise their prices
and other innocent space aliens will have to pay for your wrong-doing.
Now that's not fair, is it?
Look, we were just testing your intentions. We're actually peaceful and friendly.You have an odd way of making friends, Captain.
Are you certain that you aren't just tricking us
so that you can attack us the moment our back is turned?
I promise, we won't do anything sneaky like that.We believe you.
Let's just test out that weapon system, shall we?... IN COMBAT!You give us no choice.
Since this is your first time trading with us, let me explain how our system works.
We are interested in purchasing certain items, specifically
biological data on alien life forms
and the coordinates of certain strange worlds whose radiant energies defy all scanners
producing a rainbow-like image.
In exchange, we have many interesting and valuable commodities
such as fuel compatible with your starship's HyperDrive thrusters
technological specifications, allowing you to build new modules for your ship
and protective systems to shield your planet landers from hostile surface conditions
as well as many important secrets which may help you in your travels.
To facilitate trade, we translate all your sales into Interstar Credits
with which you may make purchases.
If you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask.
Now, what can we do for you today?
Goodbye, Trade Master.
I would like to make some purchases.
Why did your bridge turn purple?That's a good question with a very interesting answer!
The fee for this information is 120,000 Credits.
I have some items I would like to sell.We appreciate your intentions, but you have nothing we wish to buy.
What would you like to sell, Captain?
As you wish.
I have some data on alien lifeforms.The units of biological data we downloaded from your ship earn you x Credits.
I wish to sell you Rainbow world locations.Your ship's log indicates that you discovered the whereabouts of x of the Rainbow worlds which so fascinate us.
In exchange, we will give you x Credits.
We found a Precursor artifact. Do you want it?Always! Absolutely!
The exchange value for this artifact is
On second thought, I don't think I want to sell anything.
I am done selling, for now.
You need Credits to purchase our trade items.
To earn Credits you must sell us the items we desire, which are:
biological data on alien lifeforms
and the coordinates of certain strange worlds whose radiant energies defy all scanners
producing a rainbow-like image.
What trade items would you like to buy today?
Would you like to purchase anything else?
Very well then.
I'd like to buy some fuel.
I am done buying, for now.
I shall be leaving now.
How much fuel do you wish to purchase?
1 unit of fuel.
Fuel transferred to your vessel.
5 units of fuel.